If Only I Were

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If only I were bulletproof
The words they shoot could not offend
If only I were bulletproof
I would not be afraid

If only I were bulletproof
Opinions would not break my skin
If only I were bulletproof
I would not feel a thing

If only I were diamond cut
I could not shatter easily
If only I were bulletproof
I could endure the pain

If only I were hardened steel
These arrows could not puncture me
If only I were bulletproof
My shoulders would not strain

Alas, I am not bulletproof
But wounded here upon my back
If only I were bulletproof
But no, I am too weak

I never could be bulletproof
And so I fell to these attacks
But though I am not bulletproof
I still refuse retreat

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42 responses to “If Only I Were

  1. “If only I were bulletproof
    The words they shoot could not offend
    If only I were bulletproof
    I would not be afraid”

    wow I am struck with guilt after reading this. I feel as though I have hurt the one I love the most with my fears put into words with my blog. None of us are bulletproof, I know that for sure. Words hurt deeply, especially if they wound a part that you cherish so dearly. We have both said some things that have hurt each other, either out of our own fears or intimidations of one another.

    thank you VW you helped put together some pieces for me that I needed dearly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    I hope you are not too wounded – and I am glad you are not retreating. πŸ™‚

    • Words are powerful weapons, wielded carelessly at times by all of us. Point them at the ground and keep the safety on when you don’t intend to kill πŸ˜‰

      Just as words may hurt they can often also mend, and you my friend are finely gifted with their magic. I know that you have the healing touch as well, and I do not doubt your skills at soothing wounds. πŸ™‚

    • I am blessed to think some pieces fell in proper places through my incidental help. I cannot retreat. There comes a point in battle where life has been threatened so often and so desperately that you give up the fear of losing it and simply press on as if it doesn’t matter much anymore. I suppose at that point you have nothing left to lose

      • I understand, I am not afraid of death nor life or love but afraid of being alone….alone with out him.

        I hope he doesn’t feel that this “nothing left to lose” in regards to our love, that is my worst fear, that he has given up on love, on our love. I believe that is is something that must be treated delicately and dearly.

      • But surely you have given up as well…at times…and renewed your vision. The exhaustion of clinging to a unity through adverse circumstances can tear horrible thoughts from the blackness of our despair. I have never fought any harder to just survive than I have this past year, and I know we all find those moments that crush us under the convincing promise that things will never get any better and we will not make it. I suppose we will always have something left to lose, and it is less about what we have and more about how we feel, as you point out. Love is strong enough to let go, and gentle enough to hold on. I believe in you πŸ™‚

      • I shall fearlessly (what, after all, do ‘I’ have to lose) insert my tuppence here. I confess I have been to the heart of Love and can tell you there are no individuals there. The heart of Love can be shared with another, but it is not to be found in another as an end in itself, only within oneself. As one learns to live from Love within, and act from Love relating to others becomes easier. And less encompassing. This may require some time. You two are both too precious not to watch suffering in silence, so I speak. (I still have far to go, I’m afraid, so please forgive me my arrogance. I do the best I can. πŸ™‚ )

      • For what can we thank experience if not for wisdom to impart to another wandering soul. Your input is always welcomed here, and I’m sure all of our lives will lead us to develop and redevelop our ideas of love and relationships as we encounter new information. Suffering, in this case, is a choice I have made in many ways. Although I could remove myself from the effects of the choices in some sense, I am bound to those for whom I have bestowed my commitments, and I hold them in a sacred place that I refuse to repossess. If my intent was to avoid suffering, I should fairly be the greatest failure imaginable. But suffering and I are close relations. We lay together many nights in silence, knowing that if the path had been clear from the beginning, I would not have avoided this. I would have plunged headlong into my own doom, for that is the depths of my appreciation to those for whom I suffer, and I would do it all again with no regrets, save maybe to savor the moments with a bit more care. Thank you my friend

  2. Thank God you are not bullet proof for if you were you would not have the words.
    So beautiful your feelings spread if diamond cut they would not be heard . beautiful poem!!

  3. we may not be bullet proof but there will come a day that you see that no one is. its the fallacy of thinking that some thing, whether its god or alcohol, can keep us invincible against the terrors of either our past or present.. like you said, we must realize the strength that comes with realizing that although we may not be bullet proof, we won’t give up
    i wrote this last night. hope you enjoy
    http://belladonna23.wordpress.com/2011/12/05/beware-my-stigma-a-very-long-piece-of-prose-poetry/

  4. I hope your alright VW, I saw you like a few of my recent posts and I miss your conforting words. Take care my friend. xo

  5. “But though I am not bulletproof
    I still refuse retreat”

    In that case, perhaps others may to rally round you. There is strength in numbers, I hear. πŸ™‚

  6. Too awesome for words! I’ve read a few of your other poems but this by far my favorite. My favorite part was toward the end “though I am not bulletproof I still refuse retreat.” Very inspiring. You have a gift my friend and I look forward to reading more.

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