To Pull You Closer To My Heart

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Dreaming of a dialogue
Waking to an empty room
Singing of a foreign life
Sleeping in a shallow tomb
Oh, it’s easier than we would like
Being empty oh so deep inside
When the smiles take your breath away
But we didn’t really feel that way
Did we?

Shaken to the inner core
Radiant–a shade of love
Taken to return no more
Taken what should be enough
Oh, it’s easier than we pretend
Holding everything beneath our skin
When the beauty makes you turn your head
But the ghosts are always in my bed
Did we?

Dreaming of a dialogue
Maybe through a clouded glass
Whispers in a borrowed car
Something for my hand to clasp
Oh, it’s easier than we believe
When we turn around again to leave
Does our story ever wear you out?
Do the memories feel as faded now?
Did we?

Saving all my energy
Palms outstretched as I emerge
Dreams are never what they seem
Coming up for air is hard
But it’s easier than letting on
That the little things are passing on
If I encountered you in open air
Would you remember me like I was there?
Did we?

Dreaming of a dialogue
Messages and simple words
Even though I know it’s gone
Sometimes, with the night, returns
Shadows of a dearest friend
And I feel like I could fly again
With my arms outstretched into the dark
To pull you closer to my heart
But your gone
And I’m here
Going on
And I ask
Was it dreams?
Was it real?
Did we?

A Conversation

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I look into your eyes–you stare
I find an irony somehow
In everything about your face
But I push that aside for now
I ask you of the life you chose
And is it working out so far
Behind the tired rings you wear
All the bitter nights have carved
Colors tell the story well
Though you simply shrug and laugh
But we both know you’re not yourself
And maybe he will not come back
I look into your eyes–so deep
I ask you if you have regrets
You slowly turn your head and speak
Whispering replies in breath
“I wouldn’t want to say it’s good
Or claim that I am glad at all
For how it all turned out–or could”
But then you lift your head up tall
“I know that this has cost so much
I know I may appear unwell
But heaven here is hard to touch
I guess I had to go through hell
It doesn’t mean I’m scared to burn
It doesn’t mean I don’t look back
I could have walked the easy way
But I choose not to think of that”
If all the sleepless nights were stars
The galaxy is in your look
If all the tears you cried were words
The lines across your cheek are books
I look into your eyes–you stare
I find an irony somehow
I see you every day right here
But cannot seem to search you out
And when I think I know you well
Or when I think you’re feeling fine
My mirror finds the truth to tell
Your tired face is just like mine

Midair

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The bullet pierced the breast in flight
In plummet, life has traded light
For darkness as the feathers fall
It never touched the ground at all
But somewhere on the journey down
Relinquished fate and slipped away

‘Tis better to be killed midair
Than caged upon the ground in bars
Or traded for the songs you sing
Without the use of heart or wing
I would much rather die in love
Than live as though it’s not enough

Set In Stone

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Set in stone
Like the letters overhead
When my sleep becomes my rest
Lay a flower on my chest

When I’m gone
And the earth becomes my bed
I have nothing to regret
I have lived and loved and left

My Muse Is Gone

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My muse has gone
Alone, I cradle souvenirs
Her phantom dances in the songs
That haunt my ever-waking dreams
Against the vacant beckoning
I hold a tired candle light
A vigil of my sanity
For memories
Of fantasies
And better things

My muse has gone
And, in the absence of my tears
The shadows, in a desperate throng
Are clinging tight beneath my eyes
I harbor them–my dark disguise
A mask across my empty face
Expressionless
Impressions of
This cold embrace

Conjure You

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Lonely, I conjure you
But conjure you is all that I can do
Spells with which I summon you
Are whispers that this empty night rebukes

Lonely, I conjure you
A figure woven of the finest air
Ghosts and stolen residue
Afoot upon the vagrant shards of moon

Lonely, I call for you
In saline brews of misbegotten eyes
Wrung from hollow avenues
Of brokenhearted alabaster truth

Lonely, I conjure you
But conjure you is all that I can do
Phantasms and dreams of you
Are dancing slowly in this burning room

Too Soon

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Press your fingers on the wound
We can’t
We can’t allow the blood
To leak away–this is too soon
A love no memory can fill

Breathe again–you cannot stop
I want
I need your eyes to move
Do not succumb collapse and swoon
These gashes surely have to heal

Take my hand–you must respond
I won’t
I cannot leave you now
If only just an utterance
Bestow a sound upon my ears

Look within these pleading eyes
We were
We are the stronger sort
No matter how our heart is hurt
The pain reminds us it is there

Oh, agony has pricked
Into the depths of what I hoped
But still the battle rages deep
Beneath the skin of my desire

Oh, the beauty we inflict
Upon a world that never knew
Has been distorted into blame
To feed the embers of our fire

Oh, you know I’d give the last
Of every breath I’ve yet to take
To pull you safely from the fray
Into the circle of my heart

Oh, you cannot slip away
Beneath the torrent of this pain
There is so much for which to stay
And I am not retreating yet

Of Those Who Were

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Walls–they tell of those who were
The visage, faded, once was clear
Oh where have you then disappeared?

Into the night? Across the sea?
Or do those jaded memories
Still haunt your halls, as they do me?

Foregone–the night so cleverly
With darkness swallows every tear
A soundless cry on soundless ears

But walls–they loath forgetfulness
And not as I do they so turn
Their stories are not fast unlearned

In somber unrelenting tones
A chorus of distress is sung
For spirits absent far too long

T’would be such bliss to quell their taunt
But as I seek I find you not
And feel at last I am forgot

Not A Traffic Light

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Traffic lights have such an easy job
Blinking life away, oblivious
To shattered glass and acts of tragedy
Or signs of cardboard begging charity
Who am I to stand aghast at life
Twisted metal spilling in the streets
And ask the reasons why it all should be
When I could wait in quiet apathy
But I am not a blinking traffic light
I am not a lifeless entity
Conscious to the wreckage we create
I am not content to sit and wait
We have felt the force of passing forms
Ripping through the course of our intent
I can taste the spillage of our hearts
I inhale the putrid bitter scent
Burnt and broken heaps that once were love
Scattered on the landscape of desire
Empty vessels gutted in the dark
Hope that we abandoned to the fire
Sometimes I would like to be machine
Incapable of tears for what I know
But I am not a traffic light that blinks
I cannot tell when to stop or go

The Darkness

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The darkness
The number of our days
The black abyss of dreams
The emptiness reluctantly I crave

The silence
The absence of a flame
The sacrifice of love
The solitude of losing it again

The anguish
The soft mortality
The ticking of the hands
The suffering that never will be seen

The distance
The place you used to be
The disarray of life
The questions we will never understand

The darkness
Is suffocating me
The accident of hope
The disappointments woven in our eyes

The darkness
The wreckage of belief
The vacuum in my soul
The sovereignty that could not be denied

The Night/The Open Road

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The night–the open road
Where hand-in-hand the lovers go
With quiet eyes and hungry souls
And in the lights, a path is shown
But only to the end of where
The beam illuminates the way
And to their darkened fate they plunge
With hands and fingers wound as one

The night–the open road
Where fading in his arms she hung
Against the still receding songs
From newly smoldered wreckage sung
Now overturned, the spinning wheels
Of those whose light can see just far
Enough to drive them further on
Into the dangers of the dark

Paper Cuts

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Paper cuts
Like razor blades
On tired wrists
A slow release
In rhythmic drips
A clock that ticks

Stretching words
Like knotted rope
From silent lips
Fraying and coarse
The knot–it slips
To snap my neck

Swallowed thoughts
Like colored pills
From bottled hopes
An overdose
A last recourse
My sentence passed

A Traitor’s Death

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Wringing his hands
The clergy walks
Below the planks

Where stands a man
Condemned to die
For wicked things

Above the boards
A gentle creak
Betrays the soles

Of hooded men
With tools to make
The scene unfold

A Traitor’s death
Pronounced upon
The blinded face

A tired man
Condemned to die
For wicked things

The innocent
In silent rows
Before the stage

A verdict wrote
In faded ink
Upon a page

Within the cord
A last reward
His wages paid

A tired man
Condemned to die
For wicked things

From underneath
The ebony
His sunless cloak

The eyes are closed
But still they see
The charges made

Without a word
Or further stay
The floor gives way

For a tired man
A wicked man
Or so they say

No Reply

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I found the tears
They were waiting for me
In the driver’s seat
On an empty street
Parked over the line
Where no one cared
Jill Phillips told me
“If we danced like this everyday”
But I cannot breathe
And just barely move
Enough to push it out
All of it out
This God-awful pain
But I don’t complain
I can be civil and sweet
Faceless and obsolete
I just wish that life
Could go away
Stop nursing me back to health
Just leave me here
To slip into the dark
In the car
With a guitar and a bleeding heart
Beneath blinking red lights
Can I come home tonight?
“I want to go home tonight”
I. Want. To. Go. Home.
But there is no reply

For Those Who Mourn

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For gentle eyes
Those moistened eyes
That weep for things they cannot see

For tired hearts
Those lonely hearts
Discouraged in their faithful drum

For fragile hands
Those vacant hands
That beckon still and reach to seek

For empty arms
Those restless arms
Embracing air without relief

For silent lips
Those saddened lips
Their words abducted by a grief

For hurting souls
Those aching lives
Confounded by some sordid fate

You needn’t dwell on cruelty
Or tragic days we all well know

You needn’t stay in apathy
Or wait for those death chose to go

The orbits turn and time is firm
The tears, not either can reverse

For those who mourn are soon to learn
The earth has borne an ancient curse

Adrift Alone

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Adrift alone on open seas
At rest beneath a quiet sky
The depths below suspending me
As cloud parades go lazily
Across their stage adorned in white

No hint of earth or distant land
Has trespassed these horizon lines
My form reclines with open hands
Adjacent to this vast expanse
Emerging from my tired mind

I sense my body giving in
Against the pull of ancient tides
My restless soul, into the wind
Releases all it held within
The confines of this fragile life

Adrift alone on open seas
Beyond the reach of human shores
At peace, as once I longed to be
I sink into its melody
Content at last forevermore

Healer

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Down is not where you belong
A creature of such grace
Should never need a cage

Though your body is not strong
And sometimes misbehaves
The molecules betray you

I would take the very breath out of my lungs
To give you one more moment
If I could be your healer

I would break the hands of death to keep you warm
And give you one more moment
If I could be your healer

I would siphon off the blood
And steal the beats from my own heart
If I could save the ones I love
Is it too late to wake them up?

I would trade my fading pulse
And break my hourglass apart
If I could give the grains to you
If there was something I could do

I would forfeit all the smiles that I am losing anyway
To put the stars back in your sky and for a moment make you safe
Do we have to be so helpless? Does this distance have to be?
I wish I could be your healer

How I miss you here with me

Tomb

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Lain as unto sleeping
Jeweled eyes adorned, unblinking
Still the color in the flesh
And yet
There dwells within no breath

Warmth like those–the living
Caught immortal here unwilling
Senses keen, my sweetest child
Oh me
A spell is this–too vile

Wrenched of will and frozen
All but thought and beauty stolen
Sleepless rest, here paralyzed
Dear God
Those still unblinking eyes

Turned to tomb–your body
By some evil hand of envy
Gripped by poison; laced in dark
Denied
The beating of your heart

Staring, still unblinking
Held suspended in this thinking
He, with lips, will soon dismiss
The spell
With but one tender kiss

Tremors

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Writhing as if I have something inside of me
Twisting my stomach and squeezing my heart
Gasping as if there is not enough air to breathe
What is this agony?
Is there no sympathy?

Crumpled and folded like drawings you wouldn’t keep
Wracked by these tremors infecting my limbs
Clinched in a fist like my fingers are weaponry
What is this agony?
Is there no sympathy?

I know that you will see much more composure
When this is over; if this is over
I know that we can be civil and sober
Once we recover; if we recover
Maybe the antidote lies undiscovered
Under these tremors; under these covers
Maybe in time we will find it together
But for tonight I am destined to suffer

A Shadow’s Lament

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You cannot know the agony
I treasure in my shape
To cling to you through tragedy
To wrap you like a cape
To follow you in ecstasy
To cradle you in love
But live beyond affections
Where I never feel your touch

You cannot know the emptiness
I hold within my arms
To kneel before your beauty
To have witnessed all your charms
To see you in your glamour
To attend you through the day
And linger in the evening
As you strip it all away

You cannot know the sadness
I must bear with every step
The smiles I have shared with you
The secrets I have kept
My faithfulness is perfect
My descriptions always true
I am your best companion
I know everything you do

You cannot see the pain I feel
When, after all these years
You pay no mind to me at all
And covet other’s stares
I spend my life devoted
I caress you as you sleep
I wait for you until you move
I hold you when you weep

I lay with you beneath the sheets
I ask for nothing back
I slip across your reddened cheeks
I wrap your form in black
I never leave you–never could you
Tear me from your side
I study you and paint you true
My lines have never lied

I fondle you and touch you
But you do not seem to care
My movement goes unnoticed
As if I were never there
But I will stay here loving you
Until the very end
And lie forever by you
When they place you in the ground