Wake Up Screaming

It’s been too long
Too much on my mind
I don’t recall myself at all
It went so wrong
Too much undefined
Before the last of me dissolved

I thought that it was real
I thought that this was life
But I must have been dreaming

I keep
Noticing the threads
Starting to unwind
Someday I will wake up screaming

It’s cut too deep
Too close to the heart
I feel I’m slipping down a hole
What I can’t speak
Is tearing me apart
And I’m afraid that if I go…

To sleep
I’ll think that it was real
I’ll think that this was life
But I must have been dreaming

I keep
Noticing the threads
Starting to unwind
Someday I will wake up screaming

Somebody please
Won’t you pinch me and wake me
Something in dreams
Is attempting to take me
I once believed
All I needed was right there
I want to live
But I’m living a nightmare

Oh, sleep
I thought that you were real
I thought that I was right
But I must have been dreaming

I keep
Tossing in my bed
About to lose my mind
One day I will wake up screaming



Do you see me
Am I here
I must be crazy
But I don’t feel like I exist

Do you see me
I must be fading
Why is my face so colorless

In the mirror
Peering back
I must be dreaming
There’s a stranger in my skin

It looks human
Still intact
But I feel hollow
Like a fragment of the wind

I can see right through my tenuous disguise
This lack of substance and this faded enterprise
Maybe now in form I start to realize
I am translucent and I hope they see the light
Through me

Friction And Popular Fiction

“it hurts” she tells me with a sense of acute emotion. A twisted wince and shudder brought on by, well, just life I guess. I stop to wonder why is it that at the first sign of pain it’s our natural reaction to digress. But I suppose that’s instinct for you. Survival and all. Keeping the race alive and helping us to reproduce. I do find it difficult to swallow the paradigm of just living and making babies because thats what people do. See, I think inside of us each somewhere there is a spark waiting to fly. A fire that could erupt if we ever let it go. And we want to. We really want to live with that sort of passion but we’re scared of all the things we don’t know. I’m sure the first fire started without man’s intervention. Probably lightening or some act of God, but then the people wanted fire and they fought to create it. They tried new techniques until finally one of them caught. I’m sure the first time they struck two flint stones together and ignited it people were astounded and that’s all well, but while they warmed themselves around their newly developed passion did anyone stop to ask about how the stones felt? I doubt it. Why would they? Rocks don’t have feeling. You just use them until they break and then get a new set. But people…well, we are different, but it still requires friction to get us fired up–and it’s the reactions you get like: “it hurts”. Well, yeah. Of course it hurts to find out you’ve been broken into pieces and your burning from the inside out. But in a way perhaps our lives are like a fire. We don’t last very long but we live better when we’re brighter. And, in the end, the ones who never caught a spark may have missed out on the friction but their living in the dark. Emotions aren’t for hiding and a the fires aren’t for fighting. The pain is just the process and it’s nothing that should seem frightening. after all, without a little pain we would never end up stronger. If you don’t ever stand up then you will never stand up longer. If you refuse to suffer you will never learn to heal. If you refuse the senses you will never learn to feel. If you run from everything you will always be alone. And if you run from yourself then you will never feel at home. If you can’t take the weather you will never feel the rain. If you plan to get the pleasure you will need to endure some pain. If you think life is supposed to be about always feeling happy. You will wake up one day realizing you really don’t have anything. See life is not about it all just falling into place. Life is hard to calculate and it gets in your face. If you want to be better then you’d better find out who you are. And if you want to burn brighter then don’t be scared of all the sparks.

Tear Myself Apart

Can you hear the threads explode
As I rip a hole through this open wound
I tried to heal but it won’t stay closed
And the stitches snap like a heart attack

When I tear myself apart
To expose my beating heart
For a lost and lonely world
Let the pain become my art
With the blood my ink to write
As I tear myself apart

Every sinew is woven wrong
Let me shred this tissue and break these bones
Call me human but I’m so much more
You can burn my skin but I’m deep within

And I tear myself apart
To expose this broken heart
For a lost and lonely girl
Let the pain become my art
We will paint our love in blood
As we tear ourselves apart

Reach your hand down farther and feel
There is passion burning there still
From this gash carved here in my chest
Till they dress me and lay me to rest

I will tear myself apart
Take the last of my beating heart
It’s a black and broken world
But the pain is my purest art
And I love you whatever the cost
I would tear myself apart

Happy Face

I think I need time or space
Maybe just a bit of both
To bring back a smiling face
Tonight it’s out on loan
Not that I’m all that sad
I think it’s the aftermath
Of crying too hard too much
And they don’t make pills for that

The pillows I sleep with know
Oh when it rains it pours
I turned all my insides out
There’s nothing to say anymore
But I’ll get along just fine
And soon I will find a place
To translate these tears of mine
And put on a happy face

Trouble has come and gone
Maybe it hangs around
I don’t feel like checking tonight
It’s late and I need to lay down
The world is an awkward place
For being a sensitive type
There’s too many ways to fall
And not enough help to rise

But I’ve got a drink beside
The bed stand where I will sleep
The headache will fade by then
Along with the rest of me
I do what I can to believe
The choices we make will count
For something beyond these dreams
It’s all worth the cost for now

It could be worse I suppose
And that’s what I tell myself
We have to keep feeding our hope
We have to keep up our health
When all of these tragic times
Have turned into history
I’ll look back and say it’s alright
It’s still worth it all to me

Giving Blood

Bleed me
Take what you need and
Release me
Make these incisions
So deep we
Feel it inside
when they cut
This is the greatest divide

Bleed me
Drunk from the pain and still
I’d give the last drop to
Free you
Please don’t be scared
You can have it all
Promise I will be prepared

Wake up strapped to the table
I will keep pumping as long as I can
You can have all of this life I am able
To give you and then I will give it again

Bleed me
Take my inside out
And see me
I will not hide when
You need me
Here I will stay
Give what it takes
Till they take me away