My intent to caress
Made a mess of the thought
And I murdered my lines
Such a waste
Such a crime
Is it art? Does it rhyme?
No, the pulse has been stopped
Taking stabs at this…what?
This release?
This insult
I despise every word
My attempts, I repent
Feeling sick unto death
Nothing made
Nothing left
So I stab and I stab
Until life trickles out
And the art–it is dead
We are both
Fully bled
Writhing as if I have something inside of me
Twisting my stomach and squeezing my heart
Gasping as if there is not enough air to breathe
What is this agony?
Is there no sympathy?
Crumpled and folded like drawings you wouldn’t keep
Wracked by these tremors infecting my limbs
Clinched in a fist like my fingers are weaponry
What is this agony?
Is there no sympathy?
I know that you will see much more composure
When this is over; if this is over
I know that we can be civil and sober
Once we recover; if we recover
Maybe the antidote lies undiscovered
Under these tremors; under these covers
Maybe in time we will find it together
But for tonight I am destined to suffer
It’s been too long
Too much on my mind
I don’t recall myself at all
It went so wrong
Too much undefined
Before the last of me dissolved
Asleep
I thought that it was real
I thought that this was life
But I must have been dreaming
I keep
Noticing the threads
Starting to unwind
Someday I will wake up screaming
It’s cut too deep
Too close to the heart
I feel I’m slipping down a hole
What I can’t speak
Is tearing me apart
And I’m afraid that if I go…
To sleep
I’ll think that it was real
I’ll think that this was life
But I must have been dreaming
I keep
Noticing the threads
Starting to unwind
Someday I will wake up screaming
Somebody please
Won’t you pinch me and wake me
Something in dreams
Is attempting to take me
I once believed
All I needed was right there
I want to live
But I’m living a nightmare
Oh, sleep
I thought that you were real
I thought that I was right
But I must have been dreaming
I keep
Tossing in my bed
About to lose my mind
One day I will wake up screaming
My arts and crafts
Are hearts and masks
Cut out of thoughts
And glued together
Paper faces
Lines I traced
From other smiles
And other places
Take a razor
And a paper
Make a face that
Suits me better
Crude constructions
Simulations
Of expressions
I can’t fashion
Take some scissors
Strong adhesive
Bend the edges
Shape the pieces
Lips for smiling
Eyes for lying
Skin like armor
Just to hide me
My arts and crafts
Are hearts and masks
All colored neat
Inside the lines
If there’s mistakes
We can erase
And start again
With better pens
My arts and crafts
Are jokes and laughs
To cover scratches
Fresh and bleeding
Paper faces
I created
From the things
Left strewn about
So scared my words
Will turn
To be weapons against me
So much to say
I learned
A better defense is
Just not to speak
And keep
A lock on the entrance
Protect my thoughts
And leave
No glass looking in
Scratching away
Marks for the days
Etched in stone
Along these walls
Ear to the ground
Praying for sound
To let me know
That all is well
Fighting for air
Cracks in the wall
Passing notes
Clasping hope
Justice will come
Love will prevail
To shake these bars
And break these cells
Whispers crawl under my skin
In twisting rivets driven deep
Beneath the softened flesh within
A rasping catch of breath and wind
Voices creep behind my eyes
With words of faded agony
Enshrouded spirits of the night
Entombed in tongue of ardent flight
Echoes dance around my head
With vague and unrequited hums
In quivers faint of lovers dead
They haunt the covers of my bed
Every dawn as I emerge
Reluctantly they break their cry
And silence for a time their urge
To wait for me ’til I return
The teeth are out tonight
Just be motionless and quiet
The eyes are on the prowl
Making fearful sorts of sounds
But I learned early life is scary
Everything out to get me
Don’t disturb the silence
And stay oh so still
I learned early no one knows me
Everyone is cold and lonely
Don’t disturb the balance
Just stay oh so still
The mob is out tonight
Just be motionless and quiet
With torches held as swords
It’s a vicious little world
I learned early life is scary
There are secrets you should bury
Don’t leave any footprints
And be oh so still
I learned early life is scary
This disguise is necessary
Never let them see you
And be oh so still
But maybe just maybe
If I don’t move a muscle
The eyes will not see me
The teeth will not bite
And maybe just maybe
If nothing can find me
My silence will save me
And I will survive
Twenty four thousand miles
The circle of this sphere
Surely somewhere there’s a place for me
Twenty four thousand miles
And anywhere but here
I don’t know where I would rather be
But I would like to belong
And I would like to be home
Twenty four thousand miles
Across this speck of dust
Floating in an endless open space
Twenty four thousand miles
The distance between us
I want to set the galaxies ablaze
And I just want to belong
And I just want to be home
I want to tear apart the sky
Rip the colors from the leaves
Burn the atmosphere to static
If we could light it all on fire
Maybe then I could believe
We could rise up from the ashes
I can’t feel anything at all
But I feel nothing very well
Someone wake me when it’s over
I’ll either choose to sleep it off
Or I will blow us all to hell
I guess I’ll go back to the covers
But I just want to belong
And I just want to be home
Can you hear the threads explode
As I rip a hole through this open wound
I tried to heal but it won’t stay closed
And the stitches snap like a heart attack
When I tear myself apart
To expose my beating heart
For a lost and lonely world
Let the pain become my art
With the blood my ink to write
As I tear myself apart
Every sinew is woven wrong
Let me shred this tissue and break these bones
Call me human but I’m so much more
You can burn my skin but I’m deep within
And I tear myself apart
To expose this broken heart
For a lost and lonely girl
Let the pain become my art
We will paint our love in blood
As we tear ourselves apart
Reach your hand down farther and feel
There is passion burning there still
From this gash carved here in my chest
Till they dress me and lay me to rest
I will tear myself apart
Take the last of my beating heart
It’s a black and broken world
But the pain is my purest art
And I love you whatever the cost
I would tear myself apart
Cocooned within beneath the skin
With tentacles like vices closing
Ever tighter underneath
They tear at me until exposing
How I suffer
Though I try to exercise these demons
I thought I had the strength to face this in your absence
How I suffer
Though I try injecting all of these reasons
But I’m host to all the faceless empty caverns
Wake up screaming am I dreaming
I think it’s eating me alive on the inside
You can’t see it on the surface
But I think it’s eating me alive on the inside
Oh God it’s the parasite
I think I’ve given it a name
Oh God please be here tonight
Before I drive myself insane
We all are an entity
I cannot separate
These open wounds brought the parasite
I cannot amputate
I think it’s eating me alive on the inside
I only want to see your eyes for a while
I think it’s eating me alive on the inside
Theres no resistance for the vacancy you left
I think I need time or space
Maybe just a bit of both
To bring back a smiling face
Tonight it’s out on loan
Not that I’m all that sad
I think it’s the aftermath
Of crying too hard too much
And they don’t make pills for that
The pillows I sleep with know
Oh when it rains it pours
I turned all my insides out
There’s nothing to say anymore
But I’ll get along just fine
And soon I will find a place
To translate these tears of mine
And put on a happy face
Trouble has come and gone
Maybe it hangs around
I don’t feel like checking tonight
It’s late and I need to lay down
The world is an awkward place
For being a sensitive type
There’s too many ways to fall
And not enough help to rise
But I’ve got a drink beside
The bed stand where I will sleep
The headache will fade by then
Along with the rest of me
I do what I can to believe
The choices we make will count
For something beyond these dreams
It’s all worth the cost for now
It could be worse I suppose
And that’s what I tell myself
We have to keep feeding our hope
We have to keep up our health
When all of these tragic times
Have turned into history
I’ll look back and say it’s alright
It’s still worth it all to me
Bleed me
Take what you need and
Release me
Make these incisions
So deep we
Feel it inside
when they cut
This is the greatest divide
Bleed me
Drunk from the pain and still
Reeling
I’d give the last drop to
Free you
Please don’t be scared
You can have it all
Promise I will be prepared
Wake up strapped to the table
I will keep pumping as long as I can
You can have all of this life I am able
To give you and then I will give it again
Bleed me
Take my inside out
And see me
I will not hide when
You need me
Here I will stay
Give what it takes
Till they take me away
Sorry so sorry what can I say
Crashing your party so scandalously
Are we oh are we just horrid that way
Black tie affair and we made such a scene
Sorry so sorry we aren’t fitting in
Wearing our costumes and hearts on our sleeve
Are we oh are we a bother my friend
Spiking your drinks with our flavor of dreams
Sorry so sorry such social disgrace
Minding our manners so poorly it seems
Are we oh are we this far out of place
Taking conclusions to furthest extremes
Sorry so sorry the guests are appalled
Staring in horror at chances we take
Are we oh are we so destined to fall
Step after step like the dances we make
Sorry so sorry a blot on your name
So unrefined and unnervingly bold
Are we oh are we completely inane
Bats in the belfry or so I am told
Sorry so sorry we’re not in your class
Desperately daring with arms open wide
Are we oh are we the best and the last
Sacredly strange we are rebels with pride
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