Trembling hands tucked tenderly in the pockets
Of an overcoat pretense ministered with a smile
Nervously adjacent to a tangled weave of angels
We administer the dosage of a thousand sleepless nights
I feel the tug of Atlas asking penance for his negligence
While I, beneath it all, can muster nothing but a laugh
The serenade of symphonies concluding these procedures
Is the theme for those who fall in love but never make it back
Tag Archives: pain
Too Soon
Press your fingers on the wound
We can’t
We can’t allow the blood
To leak away–this is too soon
A love no memory can fill
Breathe again–you cannot stop
I want
I need your eyes to move
Do not succumb collapse and swoon
These gashes surely have to heal
Take my hand–you must respond
I won’t
I cannot leave you now
If only just an utterance
Bestow a sound upon my ears
Look within these pleading eyes
We were
We are the stronger sort
No matter how our heart is hurt
The pain reminds us it is there
Oh, agony has pricked
Into the depths of what I hoped
But still the battle rages deep
Beneath the skin of my desire
Oh, the beauty we inflict
Upon a world that never knew
Has been distorted into blame
To feed the embers of our fire
Oh, you know I’d give the last
Of every breath I’ve yet to take
To pull you safely from the fray
Into the circle of my heart
Oh, you cannot slip away
Beneath the torrent of this pain
There is so much for which to stay
And I am not retreating yet
Marionette
Tugged from the box where her wrappings protect her
Carefully placed on the stage
Strings on the joints that will make her an actor
Fit for the part she will play
It’s a clever surprise
It’s a perfect charade
Not a soul would suspect
All the nights she has cried
With this sturdy disguise
And a smile that won’t fade
She is dancing in time
But she’s empty inside
Held up by ribbons and strings to support her
Well rehearsed lines and replies
Looking so much like the girl they have ordered
But for those colorless eyes
It’s a masterful turn
It’s a desperate act
To protect what is left
Of a magical life
But she packs it away
When she exits the back
And the smiles are gone
When she’s down for the night
Little marionette, you don’t have to pretend
You were made without strings
You were born into tears
Little marionette, you have color and skin
You can mount up with wings
You are stronger than fear
Little marionette, let the audience wait
They can come back again
You don’t have to perform
Little marionette, it is never too late
If you really must dance
Would you dance in my arms?
Pens & Needles
Tapping the page
For a delicate vein
To inject with the dosage
Of ink and its stain
Struck by remorse
For the injuries caused
To offend such a fabric
With my brand of pain
But I pressure the point
Through the skin of this ivory
Piercing the heart
Of an innocent leaf
And it never revolts
Against me and my thievery
Innocence torn
By the words of my grief
The unspeakable, spoke
From the absence of healing
Prescriptions I wrote
In the songs of the night
A transfusion my throat
Sacrifices from feelings
Like dissonant notes
In the wrongs that I write
Tremors
Writhing as if I have something inside of me
Twisting my stomach and squeezing my heart
Gasping as if there is not enough air to breathe
What is this agony?
Is there no sympathy?
Crumpled and folded like drawings you wouldn’t keep
Wracked by these tremors infecting my limbs
Clinched in a fist like my fingers are weaponry
What is this agony?
Is there no sympathy?
I know that you will see much more composure
When this is over; if this is over
I know that we can be civil and sober
Once we recover; if we recover
Maybe the antidote lies undiscovered
Under these tremors; under these covers
Maybe in time we will find it together
But for tonight I am destined to suffer
Bitten
Lips against the crescent of her neck
He gently steals the essence of the angel
Replacing it with solace
Of a numb and silent sort
While the beating of her heart
Slowly quiets
In his arms
Silken smooth across his heaving chest
Her fingers trace the last of this resistance
Surrendering to shadows
Fully taken in embrace
Like the palette of her face
Fading graceful
In his arms
Whispered prayers attended with a kiss
The agony–imprisonmen–of fighting to exist
Her fragile body mending
From the ailments it had borne
Cure–from an unlikely source
As she changes
In his arms
Deepest Cuts
It always takes
The deepest cuts
To wake us up
To wake us up
It always takes
The sharpest knives
To change our lives
To change our minds
It always takes
The strongest pains
To make us brave
To keep us sane
It always takes
The deepest cuts
To wake us up
Flesh-Like Machine
Torn from my warm tender chest
Beating but dashed into pieces
This flesh-like machine
Sputtering badly and bleeding
Like rainwater wrung through a sponge
Submerging my lungs
And I am forced to take it out
Set it to the side
In favor of cleaner energy
Generated from another source
With fewer working flaws
Devices less unpredictable
Suited for calm atmospheres
And warm climate shifts
This thing from my chest
Is fairing quite poorly in cold, I fear
Surely this calls for drastic measures
Synthetic parts or performance enhancements
Relics eventually fail
Poorly constructed, I suppose
In life of more modern assumptions
It was destined for the grave
But this flesh-like machine
Is hard to disarm
Cogs still turning
Like involuntary twitches triggered
From a severed appendage
It struggles to survive
But only the strong prevail, I’m told
All things must die
And it is not so strong tonight
At least that is how it appears to me
There on the table
Unable to awaken or rise
“A tragic waste it seems”, I think to myself
As I pull the plug
Magic & Illusion
Ladies and gentlemen
Feast your eyes on center ring
Witness the finest show
of magic and illusions
Ladies and gentlemen
This is art we’re practicing
It’s dangerous, you know
It may appear confusing
Ladies and gentlemen
You won’t believe the things you see
But keep an open mind
And you will be convinced
Ladies and gentlemen
Kindly find the closest seat
Now, let us dim the lights
And let the show commence
We will amaze you with our disappearing act
In fact I think you will agree it’s quite unnerving
Don’t be alarmed to see me saw myself in half
And if you must, then look away, if it’s disturbing
We wave our wands and pull our smiles from the hat
In fact you cannot tell the real from immitation
We swallow fire with our dignity in tact
And speak of things beyond your grand imagination
I tend to sleep at night on beds of sharpened nails
In fact I’m rather well adjusted to the feeling
We juggle swords and spikes, and you can hardly tell
Sometimes we use them to suspend us from the ceiling
You will be dazzled as we hover without strings
I’ve been left hanging here for hours all alone
And, for my final trick, I vanish into dreams
But, please, remember folks: don’t try these things at home
Unwelcome Guest
Passed, like a compliment
A gift from a loved one
But not of love
Given residence, unapproved
This unseen guest
Traveler of air, for lodging stayed
In my sanctuary
And now is there tormenting me
As I strain to grant a swift farewell
No haste it shows
No pity for my soul
While stabbing mercilessly
Into my center
It’s welcome worn
From the day it was born
But still I feel
The virus
Kiss/Kill
I want to kiss you as you drive the knife in
Kiss you as you take what I’ve been
Wanting to surrender all along
I want to kiss you as you drain my last breath
Kiss you as you take what I guess
Somehow seems to already be gone
I want to kiss you as you cut the feeling
Kiss you while my head is reeling
Running out of reasons to resist
I want to kiss you as my world collapses
Kiss you ’till this nothingness has
Traded in my agony for bliss
I want to kiss you like it’s suicidal
Kiss you like your lips are vital
Medicine for me to overuse
I want to kiss you like our world is ending
Kiss you with my heart pretending
This is all that’s left for me to do
I want to kiss you as your fingers tighten
Kiss you as I lose my sight and
Slip away in waves of consciousness
I want to kiss you in my final motion
Kiss you with my last expression
Kiss you as they lay my soul to rest
Vampire
Feel, oh feel the blood congeal
The organs stutter
Heartbeats flutter
Feel, oh feel the thickened skin
Eyes recolored
Breathing smothered
Maybe I’m alive
Or maybe I am living dead
Apathy impaled and disenchanted
Maybe I’m infected
Maybe I am the disease
Am I too far gone to understand it?
Am I a vampire?
I feel like I am burning in the light
This transformation…
I can’t see my reflection anymore
Am I a vampire?
I suffer but I never seem to die
Am I a monster?
My bed feels like a coffin on the floor
Fallen
In league with painted angels
Enfolded visage scarred
From catapults of stars
We are fallen
On fabricated leaflets
These borrowed pagan hearts
And accidental wars
We are fallen
Disfigured in appearance
Majestic though we are
The oracles are marred
We are fallen
Abandoned to our bleeding
Our wings so torn apart
In agony of art
We are fallen
In Absence Of Tears
When I could cry no longer
My tears became a fire
A brand upon my passion
To set the world ablaze
When I could cry no longer
My eyes abandoned color
Abrasions from the anger
Impressed upon my gaze
When I could cry no longer
The shadows in my corners
These denizens distorted
Invaded my respite
When I could cry no longer
My life became my torture
My waking turned to anguish
Which followed me to night
When I could cry no longer
The emptiness and hunger
The stresses I was under
Became a prison cell
When I could cry no longer
My grief became the sulfur
My pain became the chamber
My mind became a hell
Razor Wire Heartstrings
Spun with the greatest care
Patterns woven gently into hearts
Embedded firmly in our tissue
Scattered stains of love so torn apart
Wounded memories
Captive on serrated edge
Silent, the tragedy
Played out in crimson agony
Razor wire heartstrings
Dazed from being so entangled
Strands of jagged metal
Wrapped around our chest
Razor wire heartstrings
Digging in from every angle
Twisting our emotions
Tightening with every breath
Visiting Hours
The windows are clean
The pillows are soft
The sheets are pristine
The TV is off
I miss you so much
Won’t you come around
We haven’t heard a whisper
We haven’t heard a sound
If can hear me
If you are awake
I came to see you
So you don’t forget
I don’t have a lot
But I brought you flowers
I’m only allowed
For visiting hours
The medicine is stronger
The treatments are longer
Than we could have dreamed
I know that you’re tired
And you don’t belong here
But I still believe
One day the doctor
Will tell us you’re better
And you’re ready to leave
But I will keep coming
And sitting beside you
Until you revive
The bed is adjusted
The magazines placed
My fingers are warm
On your quiet face
I miss you so much
I wish you were here
Just wanted to say
There is someone who cares
Weapons Against Me
So scared my words
Will turn
To be weapons against me
So much to say
I learned
A better defense is
Just not to speak
And keep
A lock on the entrance
Protect my thoughts
And leave
No glass looking in
Suture
Piece by piece
Needles repairing me
Faded from sight
Drawing a line
Crisscross the wound
Stoke by stroke
Strings pull the edges close
Sealing the gash
Healing at last
Here in this room
It won’t take much
To tear this all apart again
Sensitive touch
To save a broken heart again
Sometimes I slip
And bleed from all these scars again
I bite my lip
And go back to the start again
Maybe in time
I’ll hold together well
Toughen my skin
Harder within
Fend off the world
Stitch by stitch
Coming together now
Struggle to stand
For all that I am
Spirit unfurled
This therapy
To exercise my thoughts within
Is there in me
To reach out for a closer friend
So bear with me
The stains are all on accident
I tear and bleed
But one day all these wounds will mend
Dancer Down
Oh there she goes
We’ve seen this song and dance before
Too many rounds
And now she’s bleeding on the ballroom floor
Pay her no mind
Pay her no mind
She does this all the time
Try not to stare
But don’t feel bad
She does this all the time
And when the crowd closes in
The music–oh the sweat and angst
She lost her footing yet again
Trying to move at a different pace
Dancer down dancer down
Dear mr. DJ keep the beat
The pandemonium resumes
Don’t stop the band just play on
You tore your dress
Silk has a tendency to catch
On sharper edges
Chiffon and lace don’t ever last
Pay her no mind
Pay her no mind
She only wants attention
Just step around
And keep in line
She only wants attention
The floor is cold on the face
The angle much more riveting
What people hide up their dress
Adds a sense of danger to the scene
Dancer down dancer down
Let the doorman lend assistance
The pandemonium resumes
Don’t stop the dance just play on
Dear, did you shatter
Your last glass slipper
Did the clock strike
The end of the day
Did you think they
Would want another diva
Nobody hears you crying
When the music playing
Claw
Ah this skin I’m in is faulty
I can’t seem to get it off me
Claw away at my humanity
Still I lay here quite imperfectly
Ah this mind I own is broken
Too aloof and quickly stolen
Like the wires are untidy
And a meltdown is quite likely
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